11 Things to Consider Before Moving in With Your Partner

Address the grown-up decisions before the blissful Ikea haze

If the next big step in your relationship is moving in together, you probably have a lot on your mind — from duplicating keys to anticipating that first trip to Ikea.

And I’ll admit it: it’s not easy. After a year of cohabiting with my partner for a year in a tiny, noisy, bordering-a-freeway New York apartment, we’ve learned a lot of lessons the hard way—but luckily, we’ve become more intimate in the process. So here’s a list of what you should be thinking about before making this decision (I left out out living by a freeway as that should be self-explanatory).

This is a crucial, beautiful step in building a life together.

Your relationship is about to reach a new level of intimacy—no matter what happens next, or how close your apartment is to an expressway off-ramp, this is going to be a big, incredible thing. If this doesn’t excite you, you should maybe rethink your decision.

The little things will count for so much more.

For example, my partner brightens up whenever I fold a t-shirt she tossed on the floor. Simple things like getting surprise flowers after a long shift can turn their worst day into a great one.

Honesty is going to be more essential than ever.

Living together requires maturity, respect, thoughtfulness. No more bottling up emotions—get ready to talk things through.

This isn’t a business deal to halve your rent.

You can live with anybody for that. My partner and I use budgeting apps to make sure our expenses stay far down the list of what defines (or compromises) our relationship.

Be aware of each other’s drinking, smoking, and partying habits.

If this isn’t addressed, it won’t take long for your home to become toxic, literally. Cutting down on your vices can vastly improve your time together.

Don’t be a parent to your partner, and don’t look for a parent in them.

You’re not moving in together to indulge each other’s immature behavior and self-destructive habits. A certain level of maturity is mandatory to make this work.

Staying in becomes more romantic than an expensive night out.

For us, pajamas, cheap wine, and Netflix have become the best Friday night we never knew we could have.

You’ll get to redesign your place.

My partner and I are currently checking out Kinfolk for inspiration for our next place. But try not to get too carried away, as mid-century modern furniture doesn’t fix emotional issues.

Hanging out and having sex are an option all the time.

Rather than planning who’s sleeping over where, the two of you will be alone together way more, so spontaneous fun will be a more regular thing.

You can free yourself from the tyranny having to wear pants.

And clothes, for that matter.

Don’t wake them up by singing musicals, and don’t leave your attempts at art up on the wall if your partner’s like, “Um, no.”

Oh, and flush the toilet, because, come on, seriously?

Written by Steven Markow.

Join OkCupid today to meet someone you might wanna move in with.