Let’s flip the script on DTF

Dating deserves better, and so do you

Have a passion for pottery? Find someone who’s DTFire up the kiln, because DTF doesn’t have to mean what it has before.

You’re an interesting, thoughtful person. Of course you deserve better than late-night “you up?” texts, and your dates talking with friends about whether or not you’re DTF. Something has to change, because the problem with phrases like DTF is that too many people, especially women, don’t appreciate the question or the context. In a recent poll of 60,000 OkCupid users, nearly 80% of women said there’s too much emphasis on being DTF in dating today.

So if DTF is here to stay, we can change its meaning so it does the opposite of what it does now. So instead, it makes you feel confident and empowered. The F should be whatever the F*ck you want it to be. Flip that hair. Fight about the President. Fall head over heels. Because you deserve the exact same thing that dating deserves: better.

So let’s flip the script on DTF.

One way to fix dating? Give the power back to you, so the F in DTF can be whatever the F you want.

Let’s take something that’s often used to impose an antiquated dynamic on relationships, and turn it into a positive, powerful thing, for women in particular. Let’s do it because dating deserves better, you deserve better, and repositioning a once negative label into a positive one actually works. (Yes, we’re talking DTF and academic research all in one sentence — bear with us.) “When someone reappropriates a term by self-labeling, people view that person as more powerful, and the negativity of the word becomes less,” says Cynthia Wang, Associate Professor at Oklahoma State University and co-author of a study on the reappropriation of stigmatizing labels. “There’s evidence to suggest that the same can be done with relabeling, when someone or something relabels a term and then those who are labeled by it then self-label as such.” Basically, you choose your F and you become more powerful. If you’re DTFight Gender Stereotypes by Footing the Bill, then more power to you — literally.

And let’s be clear.

OkCupid is the dating app that shows who you really are, beyond just a photo. You have stories to tell, and passions to share, and things to talk about that are more interesting than the weather. You might be DTFarmer’s Market on the weekends and DTFight about the President after a particularly cringe-worthy tweet. There are other people on OkCupid who are down for the same things, and you don’t have to wait till the date to find out. We ask our users thousands of question so we can connect you with people who share your values; and now, with our movement to change how DTF is used, we’ve added questions to help you find dates who are looking for the same F that you are.

OkCupid is the only dating app that really lets you filter dates by everything that’s important to you.

“Some dating apps put the focus on the photo, but our users are interested in getting below the surface. Subverting the meaning of DTF lets them do just that,” says OkCupid CMO, Melissa Hobley. “Empowering our users to define DTF for themselves, and helping them connect over their shared preferred Fs, takes away the negativity and makes DTF something you actually want to see in a message.”

You should get noticed for who you are, not what you look like. You should have the power to decide whether you’re down to F*ck, Flirt, Fall head over heels, or Filter out the Far Right. At OkCupid, we’re #DTFixDating.

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Find someone who’s down to do the same things you are. Join OkCupid now.